In this month's Q&A, we're answering three of your questions about why it takes women longer to orgasm, the desire for intimacy, and vaginal dryness.
Q: It takes me a long time to reach an orgasm and my partner notices and asks why I’m taking so long. What could the reason be? I had two laser vaginal tightening sessions and I have given birth twice naturally.
A: Thank you for sharing your concern. It's crucial to recognize that the experience you're describing is more common than you might think.
Research indicates that, on average, it takes women longer to reach orgasm compared to men. A study from 2020 found that women may take between 6 and 20 minutes to climax during heterosexual partnered sex from the point of full arousal, with the average being around 14 minutes. In the study, participants used a stopwatch to track the time from when they felt fully aroused to achieving orgasm. Note that reaching full arousal itself also takes time, which might extend the overall duration needed for climax.
In comparison, men typically take about 5 to 7 minutes from arousal to orgasm and ejaculation.
Additionally, most women cannot orgasm through intercourse alone and need clitoral stimulation to reach climax. It is normal for the majority of women to require this additional stimulation, which can be achieved manually, with pleasure products, or through specific positions. So, make sure that clitoral stimulation is part of your routine to help you reach orgasm.
You've also mentioned undergoing laser vaginal tightening treatments. These procedures can indeed influence your sexual response by altering vaginal tissues, potentially impacting sensitivity and arousal due to changes in tissue structure.
It's also good to remember that having a tighter vagina doesn't automatically make sex better. Enjoying sex comes from being excited, feeling good with your partner, and both of you being connected.
Furthermore, it's known that vaginal childbirth can affect sexual desire, arousal, and lubrication, which might be contributing factors to the increased time you need to orgasm.
Our recommendation would be to have an open conversation with your partner. Sharing facts and insights, like those mentioned above, can help explain the changes you're experiencing. Talk openly, find more ways to be intimate together outside the bedroom, and renew your commitment to each other's happiness and fulfillment.
Q: I feel like I need to be touched, gently and lovingly. I need to be caressed by someone else. What should I do?
A: It's completely natural to yearn for gentle and loving touch. This desire for physical closeness is a part of being human and there’s nothing wrong with desiring this kind of intimacy.
In our culture, we’re often taught to suppress these needs under layers of shame and taboo. If cultural, family, or religious reasons make it hard for you to seek this kind of intimacy with others, here are some ideas for you to consider.
- Connect with your own body. There are many ways to connect with and appreciate your own body. On our website, you’ll find numerous tips and resources on self-intimacy, self-love, and self-pleasure. Start with these 5 simple, sensual self-care tips.
- Find different ways to share affection. You can still fulfill your need for touch through simple acts of affection. Think about giving a warm hug to a friend, holding hands with a family member, or kissing a baby’s forehead. These small gestures can bring a lot of comfort and closeness and remind us that there are many ways to express love and connection beyond romantic relationships.
- Indulge in self-care. Treat your body with love. Maybe buy yourself some nice lingerie, work out because it feels good, change your sheets and enjoy the freedom of sleeping naked, or indulge in your favorite food. Getting a massage by a professional is also a great way to enjoy touch and closeness that feels good. Enjoying your own company and treating yourself well is a form of intimacy too.
These are just some tips to get you started on how to satisfy your need for touch and intimacy in ways that fit your life and values. When you feel ready to explore self-pleasure and solo sex, read the Mauj team’s 6 self-pleasure tips for beginners.
Q: I usually get wet when aroused, but I've noticed that I'm not as wet as before, and sometimes I'm dry, even though I enjoy being with my partner. Could this be a medical issue?
A: It's pretty common for your body's natural lubrication to change sometimes, and it doesn't necessarily point to a medical condition right away. Lots of things can affect this, like feeling stressed, changes in your hormones, different medicines you might be taking, or just how your body works at different times.
But, if you've suddenly started to feel this way a lot, or if it's bothering you, it's a good idea to talk to a doctor.
Until then, there are things you can do to help when you're with your partner. Using a water-based lube, like Sayl, can make things feel better and more comfortable for both of you. Also, spending more time on foreplay can help you feel more turned on, which enhances natural lubrication. If you’re looking for new ideas, check out these 10 foreplay ideas to inspire your next intimate moment.
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