Ask Mauj: About Self-Pleasure and Religious Boundaries, First-Time Sex, and Normal Sex Frequency

In this month's Q&A, we're addressing three of your questions about sex: exploring self-pleasure and setting boundaries, what to consider before having sex for the first time, and what’s typical for sexual frequency among married couples.

Q: I love exploring every aspect of myself, my soul, and my body, but I’m conflicted and seeking a truth that brings me peace. Islam asks us to “guard our private parts.”  How can I feel safe exploring my body while knowing that I’m not committing a sin? I’m curious about your perspective on this. Have you reached any conclusions you can share with me?

A: Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with us. We truly commend your journey of self-discovery and seeking truth.

While we support and respect the diverse beliefs and practices of Arab women from all religions, it's essential to acknowledge that we, at Mauj, are not religious experts. Decisions regarding matters of faith are deeply personal and may require guidance from more knowledgeable sources. We encourage you to seek advice from a religious leader whom you trust and feel comfortable confiding in.

At Mauj, our primary advocacy is for knowledge and empowerment, not for a specific, defined act. We believe that learning about our own bodies and sexual health is essential for leading a healthy, happy life, and everyone’s journey to that will look different. If you’re ready to learn about your body but not interested in self-pleasure for religious or other reasons, we have a ton of resources that will deepen your understanding of your anatomy and sexual health without crossing your personal boundaries. 

You can find many of these resources under the “Body” category. Here are some essential readings:

1. Get to know your vulva.
2. Get to know your clitoris.
3. Get to know your cervix.
4. Get to know your uterus.
5. How to keep your vulva and vagina healthy.

We recognize that our response did not provide you with a definitive answer, but it's important to note that finding answers to questions of faith and personal beliefs is a journey that is uniquely yours. Whatever conclusion you arrive at is valid and deserving of respect. And we are here to support you every step of the way.

Q: What are some of the things we should know and learn about sex before marriage?

A: In Arab culture, sex is often a topic shrouded in taboo and silence, so it’s no wonder that many of us lack essential knowledge about our bodies and sexual health, especially as we approach marriage. That’s why we created a content journey that specifically addresses these concerns and helps you navigate this stage of your life.

Our content covers everything from how to define your first sexual experience and beginner-friendly sex positions to myths and facts about sex and debunking the concept of virginity.

To access the "Preparing for Your First Time" content journey, you’ll need to create a free account. Sign up here to start learning!

Q: Is it normal to have sex only twice a month after being married for seven months?

A: Every couple is different, and sexual frequency can vary widely based on many factors, including stress, work schedules, health, and personal preferences.

It's important to communicate openly with your partner about your needs and desires. If you both feel satisfied with your sexual relationship, then there's no need to worry about how often you're having sex. However, if one or both of you are feeling dissatisfied, it might be helpful to have a conversation about how to meet each other's needs better. Read this resource for some tips to help you approach this conversation.

It might also be helpful to understand the different types of desire, as yours might differ from your partner’s. For instance, if your partner’s type of desire is responsive, they will mostly only be interested in sex in response to stimulation or specific circumstances. On the other hand, you might have a spontaneous desire, where the interest in sex comes naturally and without specific triggers. Recognizing these differences can improve your communication and help you better meet each other’s needs. Learn more about the different types of desire.

Have questions you’d like us to answer?

Email us at [email protected], DM us on Instagram, or use this form to submit your question anonymously.

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